


Care and Attention

by admiralandrea



Series: No woman, no cry [2]
Category: NCIS: Los Angeles
Genre: Episode Related, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-07
Updated: 2018-05-07
Packaged: 2019-05-03 11:48:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14568381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/admiralandrea/pseuds/admiralandrea
Summary: Callen explains things to Sam. Written for the In Another Man's Shoes square of my Trope Bingo card.





	Care and Attention

**Author's Note:**

> Post-ep for "Tuhon" - S5, ep 15 and a direct sequel to Face Everything and Rise Up. Not beta'd so all mistakes are mine.

They had to stay in the warehouse while they waited for Hetty to give them the all clear to head to the safe house, so Callen and Sam took it in turns to check the perimeter, while the other one stayed with Tuhon.

It was during one of Sam’s patrols that Tuhon spoke to Callen.

“It is good to see you are no longer the tribe of one, my friend.”

Callen nodded at that. “Guess I found a family of sorts in the last seven years,” he admitted.

“But you are distant from your brother,” Tuhon observed. “Something has happened recently which troubles you.”

Callen exhaled a sigh, not altogether surprised that Tuhon had noticed the small amount of distance between him and Sam. Although they had been new partners seven years ago, barely trusting one another, by the end of the mission to Equatorial Guinea, they had bonded and knew that they could rely on each other. The months of training with Tuhon had helped with that as well. 

“It’s nothing important,” Callen prevaricated, not really keen on getting into it with Tuhon. Although he liked the guy, he wasn’t looking for relationship advice or a discussion of what Sam had done to bother him. Not when he and Sam still hadn’t discussed it properly, beyond the mortifying scene after dinner at the Hanna house a few days ago.

“Perhaps not,” Tuhon agreed. “But I hope you will move past it. I see the importance of your partnership to both of you and it would be a shame if something personal was to hamper that.”

Before Callen could respond, Sam came back round the corner and into view. 

“All clear so far,” he reported.

While they waited, Tuhon started talking about Hetty leaving and fire. Callen knew he gave too much away to Sam with his answer to the flame question, but they were on the move soon after that, so he didn’t have time to worry about it.

Then they were at the safe house, there was the inevitable fight with the bad guys and Deeks turned up with Nate just that little bit too late. Fortunately, Hetty had set things up beautifully, so the plan worked. After that, it was just clean up, before they were finally able to head back to the mission.

Of course, that wasn’t the end of the day, because there was still paperwork to do and getting new cellphones issued, but even that was eventually done, so Callen and Sam settled into the lounge area at the back of the room. Sam was texting with his wife, while Callen read one of the foreign language newspapers they had delivered every day.

Once they’d said goodnight to everyone else, Callen took a moment to fold his newspaper, then turned to look at Sam.

“Do you need to get home right away?” he asked.

Sam shook his head. “We can go for a beer if you want, I told Michelle we might.”

“Not a bar,” Callen replied. “Can we go back to my place? I, uh, I need to talk.”

Sam raised his eyebrows at that. Callen offering to talk was pretty much unheard of. “Sure, your place is fine,” he agreed.

“Good,” Callen said, getting up with a groan. “I have some Stoli left.”

That made Sam grimace as Callen walked away to his desk. If his partner was offering up Russian Vodka, then he must be planning a personal conversation. As Sam got up to collect his own bag, he pulled his phone out again, to send his wife a text to say he probably wouldn’t be home that night. It didn’t take long for the chime of a return message to sound and as they headed out to the car, Sam opened it up.

“Don’t worry about it, Kam and I will be fine. Look after G.” the message read and Sam couldn’t help smiling and shaking his head. His wife really was a special woman.

“Everything okay?” Callen asked, as he put his bag in Sam’s trunk.

Sam looked across the car at him. “Just letting Michelle know what was happening,” he reassured his partner.

“She doesn’t mind?” Callen asked, knowing that his partner hadn’t seen his family for a few days thanks to the case.

Sam shook his head as he slid into the car, meaning Callen had to do the same. “She’s fine G. You know she doesn’t mind us hanging out after a case.”

Callen shrugged and reached for his seatbelt. “As long as this isn’t some guilt thing because you guys set me up on that date.”

“G, you were the one who said you needed to talk,” he reminded his partner. “If that’s changed, then just say the word, we’ll have a beer and then I’ll go home. It’s entirely up to you.”

Callen squirmed in the seat, his reluctance to talk warring with his need to get his partner to understand how he felt. 

Sam sighed and started the engine. “Let’s just go to your place and see what happens,” he suggested.

“Okay,” Callen said, nodding agreement and trying not to feel like a coward. He sometimes wondered why Sam was so patient with him, putting up with his bullshit, but was grateful that he did.

The drive passed in relative silence, Sam putting the radio on low as background, understanding that his partner wasn’t up for casual conversation at the moment. For his part, Callen stared out the window at the passing scenery, not really seeing anything as he turned over in his mind just what he wanted to tell Sam.

Once they got to Callen’s house, he quickly let them in, then did a walkthrough, checking everything was how he had left it a few days ago, before their impromptu trip to Mexico. Satisfied, he headed back to the kitchen, where Sam was waiting.

“Beer?” he asked, getting a nod in return. Callen opened the fridge and was surprised to find it didn’t contain out of date take-out and milk, as well as the beer he’d left in it. “Did you forget to mention Michelle was dropping by?” he asked, as he handed a beer over to his partner.

“Uh, I didn’t know she had,” Sam told him in surprise.

Callen shrugged. “Maybe it was Hetty, then,” he said, opening the freezer to grab the bottle of vodka.

“You should eat before you drink that,” Sam commented, as opened his beer.

Callen rolled his eyes. “Yes, mom,” he retorted. But he did grab the sliced meat and cheese that his fridge contained, along with the mayo. There was a fresh loaf of bread on the counter as well, so he quickly made a sandwich for himself, as well as one for Sam. 

Sam gave him a look when Callen handed it over, but didn’t comment. “What?” Callen asked, defensively. “It’s not like you’ve had dinner today either.”

“Fair point,” Sam conceded. He took the plate and wandered through to the mostly empty living room.

Callen followed behind, bottle of vodka under one arm, while he juggled his plate and an empty glass. “You can take the chair,” he told Sam, knowing his partner wasn’t really comfortable sitting on the floor.

Sam didn’t argue, settling into the chair, while Callen settled cross-legged on the floor. He poured some vodka into his glass, then set both down, so that he could eat the sandwich first. Neither man said anything, leaving the room quiet as they ate. Done first, Callen put his plate aside and picked up his glass again. He took a large mouthful of Stoli, instead of sipping, needing the hit of alcohol to settle his nerves, now that he’d eaten.

Sam was still eating and sipping on his beer, but he was watching Callen as he did so and winced at the sight of his partner drinking a couple of shots worth of vodka in one mouthful. Callen shifted position, so that he was leaning against the fireplace behind him. He held his half-full tumbler of vodka, but tipped his head back to rest on the brick and closed his eyes. Sam finished his sandwich and set the plate aside on the small table, then took another mouthful of beer, emptying the bottle, which he placed atop the plate. He kept his eyes on Callen, content to wait in silence.

“You know, I never really wanted or expected a relationship, marriage or kids,” Callen finally said, breaking the prolonged quiet. “Growing up like I did, I never knew what was normal or understood that people dreamed of those kinds of things. It was just about surviving.”

Sam nodded, even though his partner still had his eyes closed and couldn’t see the gesture. “I can understand that,” he said softly, carefully to keep his tone neutral.

Callen took another mouthful of vodka, then set the glass down beside him on the floor. “I lived here for three months,” Callen said, looking around the mostly empty room. “It was one of the best places I stayed, until I moved in with Hetty when I was fifteen. That was a few months after I left here.”

Sam stayed still and quiet, surprised by the revelations from his partner, but determined not to do anything to stop the flow of information. It was the most he’d ever heard Callen say about his past at any one time. Even after their trip to Romania and Hetty’s subsequent revelations or when the case involving Reinhardt had been resolved, Sam had mostly heard things from the rest of the team, rather than Callen himself. He still remembered the look on Kensi’s face, when she’d told him what Callen had revealed about the foster father who’d hit him with a broom handle and how matter-of-fact Callen had been about the whole thing. Sam had never said anything, but had just tried to let his partner know he was willing to talk if Callen wanted to. Until now, that had never happened.

Callen took another mouthful of vodka, then dropped the now empty glass beside him once more. “I learned a lot while I was living with Hetty,” he finally said. “Including how families were supposed to work, and about relationships. Plus, I figured out that I liked boys and girls. But it wasn’t until Tracey that I got involved with anyone long-term. And even that was fake.”

Callen rolled his head to look at his partner. “After I got burned by her, I decided that relationships were for other people. Normal people.”

Sam couldn’t help his wince at that last remark, but if Callen noticed, he just ignored it, carrying on with making his point. “The next time I was with someone for longer than a couple of weeks was the job again.”

“Jason Tedrow,” Sam said softly.

Callen nodded. “And when I saw that kid, for a second I thought he could be mine. But I knew he wasn’t, because I was always careful when I was with her.”

Sam could see that. His partner had been playing a role, there was no way he’d take the sort of risk that might lead to getting Kristin Donnelly pregnant.

“And for a while, during that case, I could maybe see what I might be missing out on. But she never knew the real me and I realized that no-one is ever going to know the real me, because I don’t know who he is either,” Callen continued. “I play these parts, but they’re only roles. And then I take them off again and it’s just me, G Callen, but he feels like a part as well.”

Callen picked up the vodka, but this time didn’t even bother with his glass, just swigging straight from the bottle instead. “You know, outside of Hetty, you’re the longest relationship I’ve ever had right?” Callen said, looking at Sam. “And most of the time, I don’t know why you put up with my shit.” He drank some more vodka, then put the bottle down. “You should go, Sam,” he told his partner. “Go home to your wife and daughter.”

“No,” Sam said, even as he watched Callen use the wall to slowly push to his feet. “I’m not going man, you need me right now. Because I am your partner and I have spent the last few years working with you, getting to know you and caring about you. I’m not going to throw that away. You’re my brother G, I’m not going to abandon you. So what if you have issues, so do all of us. That’s what makes us human, you included.”

Callen swayed on his feet as Sam stood up as well, an intense look on his face as he watched his drunk partner. “You do not get to decide who my friends are,” Sam told him, moving closer. “Now how about you get a shower and I’ll get you some water to drink?”

Callen snorted. “Stop mothering me Sam,” he said. “I can look after myself.”

“Your current condition would suggest otherwise,” Sam told him, as Callen swayed again.

Callen started to shake his head, then realized it was a bad idea, so settled for slumping back against the wall. “I don’t need your help,” he insisted.

Sam stepped up close to him, but didn’t touch. “There’s nothing wrong with needing other people G,” he said softly. “Let me help you, okay?”

Callen heaved a sigh, giving Sam a face full of vodka fumes, then closed his eyes in defeat. “Fine,” he agreed. “But you should go home afterwards.”

“And leave you here alone to choke on your own vomit?” Sam asked scornfully. “That would go down real well with Hetty, never mind Vance. I’m staying G, just accept it.”

Callen opened his eyes again. “When you put it like that,” he said.

“Right,” Sam agreed. “I knew you’d see it my way eventually. Go get in the shower, I’ll be there in a minute.”

Callen didn’t say anything, just pushed himself off the wall and concentrated on not falling over as he crossed the room in the direction of the hallway and bathroom. Sometimes, he did know better than to keep arguing with his partner.

Sam watched his progress carefully, until Callen disappeared from view, then he bent down to retrieve the bottle of vodka and put the top back on. He collected up their plates and his empty beer bottle, taking it all into the kitchen, where he tidied up, before getting a couple of bottles of water from Callen’s fridge. As he worked, he heard the shower go on, so pulled his cellphone from his pocket.

He sent Michelle a quick text to confirm he would be staying over at Callen’s.

“He OK?” came back fairly quickly. Sam snorted. “Drunk off his ass on Stoli.” He texted back. The only response to that was a couple of emojis so Sam slid the phone back into his pocket and headed for the bedroom.

The shower went off fairly quickly, because even if he’d never been military, Callen knew all about short showers and conserving water. Especially growing up in California, with its frequent droughts and water shortages. 

Sam was waiting when Callen made it into the bedroom, holding out an open bottle of water. Callen knew that implacable look on his partner’s face. He’d seen it used on both Aidan and Kamran to great effect, so he just took the bottle and started drinking as he wandered over to his pile of clothes for some sweats and a T-shirt. 

Callen put down the bottle of water and dropped his towel, dressing quickly and ignoring Sam’s presence behind him. The shower had cleared his head enough for Callen to realise he’d tried Sam’s patience enough for one evening, but that didn’t mean he had to like being looked after.

Turning around with the towel in one hand and water bottle in the other, Callen finally looked at Sam, who stood in a corner of the room.

“Are you planning on staying there all night?” he asked casually, going to drop the towel in the laundry hamper that Michelle and Kamran had brought over one day, along with a bunch of other household items that the Hanna women had apparently decided he needed.

Sam stared for a minute longer, before relaxing a little. “I’ll sleep in the other room,” he conceded. 

One of the things Callen had agreed to buy was a futon for the main bedroom, because Sam wouldn’t sleep on the floor. He had trouble with his back occasionally and despite his partner’s arguments about the benefits of the floor, Sam wasn’t comfortable getting up and down if he slept there. Callen still only had his bedroll in the room he’d used as a teenager and Sam knew that was one argument he couldn’t win.

“Good night then,” Callen said pointedly, turning his back on Sam to settle on the floor. For the moment, he wasn’t going to sleep, but he did need space after what he felt was his over-sharing of his thoughts and feelings, even if it had been his choice.

“Night G,” Sam replied and left the room, closing the door most of the way behind him, but leaving enough of a gap that he’d hear if his partner got in trouble during the night. His SEAL training would ensure he woke up if he heard anything out of place, but he would still get some sleep.

As Sam got settled on the futon, he just hoped that in the morning, he could properly clear the air with his partner and get them back on to an even keel once more. This disjointedness between them could only harm them both out in the field, they needed to be in sync for their partnership to work properly.

*

Thankfully, it was an uneventful night. The few times Sam woke up, all he could hear was his partner snoring, so he turned back over and fell asleep again. He was just grateful that for once, Callen was sleeping almost normally, even if it was alcohol-induced. It wasn’t a good idea to use alcohol as a prop to sleep but if it helped on this occasion, Sam was all for it. After last night’s emotional bloodletting, he figured his partner could use a bit of oblivion for one night.

Sam’s phone beeped at him at 05.30 as usual and he got up and dressed quietly. He could get his go bag from the trunk of his car when he got back from his run and have clean clothes once he’d showered.

A quick glance into Callen’s room on the way past showed Sam that his partner was still sleeping, even if he had stopped snoring. Sam was grateful for that and headed out into the early morning coolness, glad of an opportunity to make sure his own head was clear before he had to deal with Callen again.

*

When Callen woke, it was to the familiar sounds of his partner making breakfast in his kitchen and for a second, he felt a wave of emotion rise up and choke him. He closed his eyes against the sudden sting of tears and swallowed hard. He still didn’t know what he’d done to deserve Sam Hanna in his life, but he was grateful every day that he was there.

Callen pushed out of his bedroll, then stood and stretched, feeling the familiar morning aches that were a lingering remnant of being shot five times by an automatic weapon. He ignored the pain in favor of grabbing a clean T-shirt and jeans, dressing quickly before wandering through to the kitchen.

“Good morning,” Sam said as soon as Callen cleared the doorway, not even turning from where he was making French toast at the stove.

Callen cleared his throat, feeling emotion clogging it again as he wandered towards the coffee pot. 

“Morning,” he managed after a few seconds. Pouring coffee into his mug allowed him to keep his back to Sam as well, working on getting himself under control once more before he turned around, mug in hand. “Do you need a top up?” he asked when he felt like he could sound normal.

“I’m good, thanks,” Sam said. “But you could get out the plates and cutlery.”

Callen drank half his coffee in several gulps as he headed for the cupboard. 

“Sure,” he agreed, setting the mug down as he reached for the plates. He set them on the counter next to the stove before opening the cutlery drawer. He then took out glasses, knowing Sam would have brought back juice with the rest of the groceries. Sure enough, his fridge now contained a couple of cartons of different varieties and he selected the apple-mango for himself and the plain orange for Sam.

By the time he turned around, Sam was sliding the first piece of French toast onto a plate, so Callen headed back to refill both their coffee mugs, before accepting the plate from him. He put it to one side for a second, so he could also pour juice, pushing a glass towards Sam as he sipped from his own.

Once Sam had his own French toast, they took their breakfast through to the living room. Callen settled on the floor, while Sam took the chair once more. 

“This is good,” Callen said, as he started eating. “Thanks Sam. And not just for breakfast either.”

Sam nodded back at his partner. “You’re welcome G,” he said. “Brothers, remember?”

Callen felt a rush of warmth at hearing his partner say that. He ducked his head and took a mouthful of juice to save him having to respond.

“Michelle expects you for dinner tonight,” Sam told him, as he studied his partner. He was sure there was a blush on Callen’s face, but didn’t say anything. “Kamran is looking forward to seeing her favorite uncle too.”

Callen finally looked up at Sam. “Okay,” he agreed, a wealth of emotion in his face and tone, as he studied Sam. “I can eat dinner at the Hanna house.”

“Good, now if you’re done eating, you’re washing the dishes, then we’re going shopping,” Sam told him.

That brought a look of dismay to his partner’s face. “We are?” he asked.

“Relax G, we agreed to go look for a birthday present for Kensi today, remember?” Sam said, chuckling at his partner.

Callen’s face cleared. “Oh yeah, the weapons exhibition,” he agreed, remembering the discussion from a couple of weeks ago. Rising to his feet, he took Sam’s crockery and headed for the kitchen. “Knife shopping, I can do,” he called back. 

And as Sam smiled and followed Callen to the kitchen, he felt like they were finally back to where they should be.


End file.
